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When the story surfaced that a prominent couple had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it thrust substance use disorder back into the public spotlight. However, parents grappling with a child’s substance use are concerned the discussion will center on an exceedingly rare act of homicide rather than the far more common risks of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the news. They were merely familiar with the Reiners professionally, yet they feel a connection: their own son also became addicted at 15 to opioids and later illicit drugs, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehab and the legal system. After a long and painful struggle, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” says Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters didn’t survive the disease of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through their own use, a family member’s addiction, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or loss, according to recent data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how influential you are,” stated Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg noted.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really dangerous and the potential for harming others.”

She also cautioned against making assumptions about the alleged role of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is unclear whether drugs or psychological distress were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and fill in the gaps to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may lead to agitation, a brutal act like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything even approaching to aggression. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is far more probable to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not directed at their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my greatest terror. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get a phone call or that knock on the door telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the hospital saying a son was unconscious; from jail, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle isolation—wondering if the addiction was caused by some parental failure; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and dreading judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be content one day and in despair the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are able to achieve recovery.

“Just as you can get over any other type of illness, you can get over this condition, too. You can heal and be successful,” said Grover. “If you try and you stumble, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll take it and take it.”